Yeah, I said it. I meant it too. I have been vacillating between normal everyday me and THAT WOMAN again. That woman that I don't want my family to live with. The woman I don't want to live with - let alone be.
I wish I didn't have to be this way. Today was the first time I have SAID it. This is a mental illness. It's NOT going to go away. I have to live with this the rest of my life. Like my blue eyes and gray "Rogue" streak. I guess if you're going to have a mental illness, this is the one to have. It IS treatable. I have had worthwhile treatment.
I went off said treatment when I ran out, because we wanted to have another baby in the summer. Well the fight we had this morning and the condition of myself and the house.....
I called the doctor after doing a little research on line. It turns out it may be possible to be on some kind of medication while pregnant. I called my doctor, who sent me to my OBGYN (since I was talking about possible pregnancy). I then called the OB and have an appointment on Thursday. We can talk about it then. And the nurse was SUPER nice and felt that there were options for me.
Oh yeah and then Friday I get to go see a man about some tooth pullin'. Yay.
I was talking to my niece today, she had this temper tantrum about something that could have been easily worked out if she had just talked it out instead of overreacting. When she finally calmed down enough to talk to me, I was able to explain to her that she was STRONGER than her temper. I said it was like a little monster inside - stomping and jumping upside down and screaming that it wanted what it wants. I told her that she WAS stronger than that little monster. That she could learn how to build a cage around it.
I've been tagged -- and of course it takes me FOR.EV.ER. to do it... sorry Michelle but here it is...
Seven random things about me...
1. I am a notebook JUNKIE! I love them! I buy them constantly, in-fact I bought 8 more today! The little hand size ones are my favorite. (never-mind the 6 I bought last week!) Hey! They are great for the kids and for list making on the go -- I keep one (at least) in my purse.
2. Pens - you can't be a notebook junkie without being a pen junkie. I love pretty colored ones - although I have not broken down and bought one of those big 70+ gel pen boxes, I HAVE WANTED TO. I guess I could extend this to pencils to - pretty much any inexpensive writing utensil....
3. I have at least 4 bibles. 2 more just New testaments , and one that is just Psalms and Proverbs. Oh yeah -- and an audio bible for my Ipod.
4. I don't qualify for social security. I stopped working about 6 months short of the amount of "credits" the gov. uses to decide if you qualify. WHOOPS.
5. I have a vice. Romance Novels. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. But they have to have a good story, the steamy stuff is secondary. Really, IT IS. Oh yeah and they have to be historical, 1800's England.
6. I like chocolate. Just like it. I seem to not have the "Gimme the chocolate and nobody gets hurt"gene.
7.When I go to the library, I take a laundry basket. 'nuff said. (And that's just for me! The kids bring their own backpacks)
I tag anyone reading this! I doubt I have enough readers to get to seven. But lemmie know if you do it in the comments
(Rachel, Abbe, and Marj -- consider yourself SUPER tagged...)
I watched David Copperfield on TV as a kid -- walking though the Great Wall of China, making the Statue of Liberty disappear, The Death Saw, the Bermuda Triangle boat.... I LOVED him. He WAS.SO.COOL. My mom got tickets for us to go to an "Intimate evening" with David Copperfield. HOW COOL huh?? If I had one of those life lists -- seeing him preform would have been on it.
Talk about the scales dropping from my eyes. All the plants WERE SO OBVIOUS (plants are the people in the audience that "he's never met before") even the little kids -- who were by the way - adorable. And the little boy totally stole the show (poor kid, if D.C. ever reads this he'll lose his job)
First, we had to wait an extra 20 minutes before David made his appearance - where we "got" to watch a movie about ho many awards he's won. Now I understand the buildup factor and a bit of patting himself on the back, but then after he finally came out -- he did s couple little "mind" tricks and then there was a 10 minute "David Copperfield in pop culture" movie -- basically where everyone who's ever said his name on TV and movies was showcased. Gratuitous back patting. BUT WAIT!! There's more! In the middle of the show (ostensibly to take up time while they set up a big illusion) there was another movie about HOW.GREAT.DAVID.COPPERFIELD.IS. -- granted he has started a foundation called Project Magic for kids in hospitals who need physical therapy. That is cool. Back to the show.
As I said the plants were obvious, his patter was to quick and contrived for believability. There was gratuitous sexual innuendo, including his "impregnate a woman without touching her trick" where he brings up an"audience member" young enough to be his DAUGHTER and has her grab his rear end during the performance (oh and he had the "husband" of another "audience" member fondle his "wife" similarly earlier in the show).
AND HE CURSED! Twice yelling out " J.C.!" and a command (like pass the ball to the nearest woman...)THAT put me off in a BIG WAY. I had an idea that there would be some innuendo -- I have seen him on TV, he always has pretty women, and tried to be s*xy. But the cursing was over the top, there were little KIDS there in his entourage! I was sitting next to an 11 year old boy (not mine) and I wanted clap my hands over his ears.
The amount of innuendo really put me off. He also made jokes about Lara Flynn Boyle and Mary Kate and Paris. Which were forced and stupid. And he only got sympathy laughter. OH! And he made a Snoop Dog reference -- and when the audience didn't laugh at THAT -- he complained that "You guys are really WHITE".
The couple of big illusions were cool -- I don't know how he did most of them. The make 13 people disappear one was pretty obvious. But the "going to an island" In our case it was "Hawaii" I have read that in other shows it has been Perth among other places. It was cool - because I don't know how he did it. But it was a hokey story and unbelievable.
I must say however -- My mother had a GREAT time, she loved it - and actually cried when the "father and daughter" were "reunited" in "Hawaii" .
1When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus' body. 2Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb 3and they asked each other, "Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?"
4But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. 5As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.
6"Don't be alarmed," he said. "You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. 7But go, tell his disciples and Peter, 'He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.' "
I was making a cream cheese pound cake tonight with my kids. You know in the Lamb mold for Easter tomorrow?
So there I am giving a science lesson about how the cake starts out as eggs, flour, sugar, butter, cream cheese and vanilla and how by combining the ingredients we create something new. We cannot take the eggs back out, they are now forever mixed together to create this wonderfully sweet cake.
And there He was whispering I'm my ear. "Just like me." I turned to my son and daughter and told them - Just like when you ask Jesus into your heart. Once He's in there you cannot remove Him again. YOU become a new creation - a sweet creation as well. One that is pleasing to God, just like the cake is pleasing to us.
And He is in both of my children. Of this I am sure.
My daughter took the host for the first time at Good Friday services last night. I know some people would object to a child taking the host. I know my daughter's heart. She told me that when she took it last night, she asked Jesus into her heart. My son declined to take it -- "I love Jesus Mama, but I don't want to" which I told him that was JUST FINE. He didn't have to, and he could when he was ready.