Depression

SUCKS big hairy .....

Yeah, I said it. I meant it too. I have been vacillating between normal everyday me and THAT WOMAN again. That woman that I don't want my family to live with. The woman I don't want to live with - let alone be.

I wish I didn't have to be this way. Today was the first time I have SAID it. This is a mental illness. It's NOT going to go away.  I have to live with this the rest of my life. Like my blue eyes and gray "Rogue" streak. I guess if you're going to have a mental illness, this is the one to have. It IS treatable. I have had worthwhile treatment.

I went off said treatment when I ran out, because we wanted to have another baby in the summer. Well the fight we had this morning and the condition of myself and the house.....

I called the doctor after doing a little research on line. It turns out it may be possible to be on some kind of medication while pregnant. I called my doctor, who sent me to my OBGYN (since I was talking about possible pregnancy). I then called the OB and have an appointment on Thursday. We can talk about it then. And the nurse was SUPER nice and felt that there were options for me.

Oh yeah and then Friday I get to go see a man about some tooth pullin'. Yay.

I was talking to my niece today, she had this temper tantrum about something that could have been easily worked out if she had just talked it out instead of overreacting. When she finally calmed down enough to talk to me, I was able to explain to her that she was STRONGER than her temper. I said it was like a little monster inside - stomping and jumping upside down and screaming that it wanted what it wants. I told her that she WAS stronger than that little monster. That she could learn how to build a cage around it.

I wish I could build one for mine.